|
Planning a schedule, or revising an existing one, will go more smoothly if the children are involved. However, giving your
child a voice is not the same as letting your child make the final decision. Keep in mind the following guidelines and work
with your children to devise a schedule that truly meets their individual needs.
1) Your children need, and have the right to, sufficient time with each parent to maintain a meaningful parent-child relationship.
2) Never forget that children are individuals. If you have more than one, don't treat them like an indivisible unit, just
to simplify the logistics. Sometimes that means each kid ends up with a slightly different schedule but you'll hear the need
for that when you talk with them about their preferences.
3) As choices may be necessary, get each child to make a list of their current interests and what they might want to try
in the next few years. If the level of parental hostility is high, using a third person to listen to the children and then
convey the information to you can be helpful.
4) Childrens interests, goals, and activities change. As part of formulating a schedule, encourage your kids to help create
a mechanism to make changes, e.g. some families hold an e-mail chat session, or have a democratic meeting.
5) You'll want to take account of individual quirks: for instance, if your children are "slow risers", or temperamentally
stubborn and resistant, then you don't want a schedule that demands you be responsible for having them up and ready in the
morning at an early time.
6) School children may prefer to spend more of their time with the adult who is most helpful with homework.
7) Single nights in a different home are difficult for all age groups, but students especially can suffer academically
from the break in routine and the absence of a familiar place to work that provides the necessary resources.
Condensed from Don't Divorce Your Children (Lewis & Sammons, Contemporary 1999)
|
