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In the early stages of negotiating a separation agreement it is essential to include a discussion of methods of staying in
contact with your children when they are not with you. This involves both parents agreeing on which of the following mechanisms
work best for your familys situation.
All the choices have pros and cons. Cell phones and fax machines may involve an investment in equipment. Regular telephone
contact may demand investing in a second childrens' line and/or an answering machine. As soon as children can read and write
they can master e-mail, while younger children enjoy sending and receiving pictures/drawings by fax..
CELL PHONES/WIRELESS
--Offers access at all locations for both parent and child
--Can leave voice mail messages
--Caller ID facilitates consistent access
--Surprisingly affordable plans available
--Beware!!-choose the right payment plan to avoid excessive long distance charges
REGULAR TELEPHONE
--Limits access to one location
--Necessitates scheduling of calls
--Unscheduled calls on family phone are intrusive
--Therefore separate phone for childrens' use advisable
--Answering machines should be capable of taking long messages
--Beware!!-conversations are often inhibited by the presence of the other parent
E-MAIL
--Children have access at libraries, schools, and friends' houses
--Parents can pick up messages at home, office, or worldwide
--Can be used when one parent obstructs communication
--Messages can be detailed
--Possibility of multiple messages to and fro, make planning easier
--Messages can be printed so instructions are easily followed
--Beware!!-affect and emotions are easily misread on e-mail messages
FAX
--Widely available, including in schools
--Printed messages avoid confusion
--When traveling may be better than phone
--Children and parents can exchange drawings
--Messages can be received in parents' handwriting
--Beware!!- the lack of privacy
Choosing to adopt ways of staying in touch which limit the other parent in ways that you would not accept for yourself
always breeds hostility and causes problems.
Remember that children change -- and so do parents. Over time you will likely switch from reliance on one mechanism to
favoring another -- and so will your child(ren). So be ready to make the necessary adjustments.
Condensed from Don't Divorce Your Children (Lewis & Sammons, Contemporary 1999)
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